Debbie O Connell, LPGA Teaching Professional and author - Afterhours
The central theme of this podcast conversation revolves around the significance of maintaining a positive mindset in golf and life, as articulated by our esteemed guest, Debbie O'Connell from Live Positive Golf Positive. We engage in a profound exploration of how our mental state can profoundly influence our performance, particularly in challenging situations such as a national tournament, where even the most adept players can falter under pressure. Debbie shares a poignant anecdote about a personal experience with golfing legend Nancy Lopez, emphasizing the importance of striving to do one's best, irrespective of the outcome. Our discourse further delves into strategies for managing mental distractions before teeing off, highlighting techniques such as writing down worries or visualizing them as being stored away, allowing for greater focus on the game at hand. Ultimately, we underscore the notion that the golf course serves as a microcosm for life, where our ability to remain present, manage our thoughts, and approach challenges with a constructive attitude can significantly enhance our overall experience.
Links referenced in this episode:
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Painted Hills Natural Beef
- Live Positive Golf Positive
- Lead Positive
- Nancy Lopez
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
OP3 - https://op3.dev/privacy
Transcript
Welcome to Grilling at the Green After Hours.
Speaker A:The conversation that took place after the show ended.
Speaker A:Hi, everybody, it's JT and this is a special version of Grilling at the Green.
Speaker A:Grilling at the Green is brought to you in part by Painted Hills Natural Beef, Beef you can be proud to serve your family and friends.
Speaker A:That's Painted Hills Natural Beef, everybody.
Speaker A:Welcome to After Hours here on Grilling at the grain.
Speaker A:I'm JT today we've got Debbie O'Connell with us from Live Positive Golf Positive.
Speaker A:Is there anything positively you don't do in life?
Speaker B:Well, we also have Lead Positive.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I do always try to be at my best, right?
Speaker B:Which, you know, a good golf shot, right?
Speaker B:You want to be at your best mindset before each shot.
Speaker B:As a matter of fact, there was a time I was.
Speaker B:I played in our national tournament, and I just.
Speaker B:I didn't play well at all.
Speaker B:And I'm friends with Nancy Lopez.
Speaker B:And she texted me that day.
Speaker B:She said, hey, how'd it go today?
Speaker B:And I said, oh, Nancy, I didn't play well at all.
Speaker B:And she said to me, she said, did you try your best every shot?
Speaker B:And to me, trying my best also meant I was in a better state of mind.
Speaker B:Like, I was positive.
Speaker B:I visualized my shot and prepared, let other bad shots go.
Speaker B:And I thought about it for a little bit, and I wrote it back, and I said, yes, I did.
Speaker B:And she wrote, then you should be very proud of yourself.
Speaker B:You know, even.
Speaker B:Even in your toughest situations in life, if you get in a better state of mind, you can impact the outcome and.
Speaker B:And hopefully create an even better outcome than if you stayed in a negative state of mind.
Speaker B:You can be more creative.
Speaker B:You can find solutions where if we get angry and frustrated or sad and we're down and we.
Speaker B:We feel like a victim for whatever reason, it's hard to think clearly, and it's hard to find those good solutions, no matter what your situation in life.
Speaker A:So let me give you a scenario here.
Speaker A:You're getting off work, or even maybe it's Saturday morning, doesn't matter.
Speaker A:And you've got tension, and it's been a tough week for you.
Speaker A:You're looking forward to going to the golf course.
Speaker A:You are, because you enjoy it, you like it, but you've got all this internal stuff, you know, this little bunch of gerbils running around in your head and kickboxing each other or doing whatever in the hell they do.
Speaker A:How do you get rid of that?
Speaker A:I mean, it's in there.
Speaker A:So it's Never going to go away completely.
Speaker A:But how do you suppress that before you go to the first tee box?
Speaker B:Oh, that.
Speaker B:This is such a great question.
Speaker B:It will help a number of people who are listening.
Speaker B:The first thing that came to mind for me was get a piece of paper and literally write a list of everything on your mind and then do this thing like, okay, list.
Speaker B:I have this down.
Speaker B:I'll be back in about four and a half or five hours.
Speaker B:If you're going to have a cocktail afterwards, I'll be back.
Speaker B:You all don't go away, and I'm going to start thinking about all of you and handle all these situations later.
Speaker B:Right now, I'm going to take this.
Speaker B:I'm going to put it aside.
Speaker B:You can also do that imagining it.
Speaker B:You know, the thoughts are there.
Speaker B:You know, kind of take a deep breath in and go, okay, all of these thoughts.
Speaker B:Imagine putting them somewhere, locking them up.
Speaker B:Put them in, you know, a little suitcase or somewhere in a locker.
Speaker B:Lock them up.
Speaker B:And so I'll be back.
Speaker B:Because if it's nothing you're going to take care of during your round of golf, like, if you're not going to be on your phone and following up or handling situations, then literally do your best to leave them from your mind, but let your mind know.
Speaker B:I'll be back.
Speaker B:But for now, I'm going over here and I'm going to focus here.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's too bad we can't do a little thumb drive, plug it in, download the stuff we got to look at later, take it out, and then it wouldn't even be there.
Speaker A:It would be in a different file, you know?
Speaker B:You know, our unconscious mind and our brain really does love images like that.
Speaker B:It's very playful, it's creative.
Speaker B:You could literally imagine that.
Speaker B:All right, I'm putting that, that drive in, download, take everything out.
Speaker B:I'm going to put this in the car for now, you know, and I'll be back.
Speaker B:And I'll put.
Speaker B:I'll plug it all back in later.
Speaker B:Don't worry, we're still going to handle all this.
Speaker B:It's all there.
Speaker B:I'll be back.
Speaker B:Right now I've got to go.
Speaker B:And you can imagine walking, quote, inside the ropes.
Speaker B:Nancy Lopez always said, you know, I had a lot going on when I traveled.
Speaker B:I had three young girls.
Speaker B:We had the nanny.
Speaker B:And when I was inside the ropes, I was the golfer inside the ropes.
Speaker B:When I was outside the rope.
Speaker B:After she left the course, she said, I didn't think about golf.
Speaker B:I was a mom, and I focused on Being a mom.
Speaker B:So focus where you are again, that present moment, you know, be where you are.
Speaker B:And if something pops up during the round, you go, oops, wait a minute, let me put that back in.
Speaker B:Let me put that back in my car.
Speaker B:It must have popped out and followed me.
Speaker B:And then say, okay, I'll get to you later, and then leave it.
Speaker A:Got little legs just trotting down the fairway.
Speaker B:Followed you.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Okay, so this isn't, this isn't negative.
Speaker A:We're not going negative here.
Speaker A:But what's one thing that, in playing around a golf kind of irritates you?
Speaker A:And maybe it's not something your group does, maybe it's something somebody else does.
Speaker A:And I'm going to start off, I'll.
Speaker A:I'll share something with you.
Speaker A:I play in a lot of scrambles.
Speaker A:I love to play in scrambles because I'm.
Speaker A:I'm not that serious of a golfer anymore.
Speaker A:I probably never was really.
Speaker A:But, you know, those half a dozen good shots during the course of a round would always bring me back, right?
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:But I play because I like to raise money for veterans and kids and stuff.
Speaker A:And so I do that stuff.
Speaker A:People that schedule golf tournaments that end at noon or 1:00, they should be flogged.
Speaker A:If you're gonna make a day of it and you're at an event like that, make a whole day of it.
Speaker A:Just don't go out and have everybody play 18 and give them a cold hamburger, pat them on the head and send them home.
Speaker A:You're defeating the purpose of the.
Speaker A:All the camaraderie, perhaps the networking, the all the fun stuff, because that's what those are designed for, is to have fun.
Speaker A:Okay, that's one thing that irritates me.
Speaker A:Your turn.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:I would say if someone hits into a group ahead and.
Speaker B:And they're still in the middle of the fairway, right?
Speaker B:Like, where are you going anyway?
Speaker B:And make sure they're out of your way because one, it, it could hurt somebody.
Speaker B:And secondly, just relax back there and wait your turn now.
Speaker B:And I'll tell you one other thing I find.
Speaker B:I found this more amusing because I'm a master certified life coach and I am a golf mindset expert.
Speaker B:I find a lot of what happens in our brains and watching people amusing.
Speaker B:And I realize it's just kind of their programming.
Speaker B:But there was a time I was playing in Las Vegas with a fellow professional, both of us women, and we had a tea time.
Speaker B:There were two guys behind us.
Speaker B:And that starter said, do you mind if I Pair you up.
Speaker B:And we're like, oh, absolutely not.
Speaker B:And then he comes back, he said, you know, I asked the two guys behind you, and they didn't want to pair up with you.
Speaker B:But there was another twosome a few times back, and I asked them, and they said, absolutely.
Speaker B:So you're gonna play with these guys?
Speaker B:We're like, great.
Speaker B:So now the four of us are on the tee, and the two guys that said no to playing with us were waiting to go next.
Speaker B:And I get up there, and I crush it down the middle from the white tees, like, the middle tees.
Speaker B:And then the other professional gets up there, she crushes it down the middle.
Speaker B:And then as she walked off the tee, she turned to them and said, hey, we'll try not to hold you up.
Speaker B:And they just kind of put their heads down, their hand up, and said, my bad.
Speaker B:Yeah, bad.
Speaker B:Our bad.
Speaker B:Sorry about that.
Speaker B:Like, you know, the assumptions that sometimes get made out on a golf course, that.
Speaker A:There is a lot of that, I'm afraid.
Speaker A:You know, back to the regular show.
Speaker A:Back to one of the.
Speaker A:In one of the first two segments, we were talking about, you haven't played golf in a while.
Speaker A:You get up there, and maybe you were at the range and warmed up and this, but, you know, you're just really not quite ready.
Speaker A:And you scull it off the first te.
Speaker A:And the guys behind you're like, oh, God, you're gonna follow this all day toward.
Speaker A:And you get up there with your, you know, your hybrid or whatever you're doing, and then you knock it 230 yards and they go, oh, okay.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:So, so often people are quick to judge and certainly make assumptions.
Speaker A:Yeah, they do that.
Speaker A:You know the old word about when you assume something?
Speaker A:So, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker A:I see.
Speaker B:And here's lesson for everyone.
Speaker B:And I think women kind of do this more so.
Speaker B:But probably the guys, too.
Speaker B:And I've coached both men and women on mindset in golf is the assumption of what other people are thinking about you.
Speaker B:We know that saying what you think about me is none of my business, but here's a second part of that is what you think about me is none of my business, but what I think you're thinking about me is my business.
Speaker B:And it's very telling because it's telling.
Speaker B:Telling me what's going on in my brain and what I'm really thinking about me.
Speaker B:Yeah, right.
Speaker B:So if we make.
Speaker B:If someone, you know, is standing, you know, I just taught it told everybody, stand in a superhero pose.
Speaker B:If you're on the Fairway and you turn around and you've got a couple of people standing in a super superhero pose.
Speaker B:You may make the assumption, oh my gosh, they think we're playing slow.
Speaker B:They're mad.
Speaker B:They're so impatient.
Speaker B:You get mad at these guys when they really listen to the show and they had a bad hole.
Speaker B:They wanted to get their confidence up.
Speaker B:So they're saying, like a superhero, right?
Speaker B:We, we have a tendency to make assumptions, but we want to pay attention to what I think people are thinking because it's probably what I'm thinking about me.
Speaker B:Like, oh, I'm the worst one in there.
Speaker B:They think I'm the worst one in the group.
Speaker B:They, they wish I wasn't their playing partner today or whatever it might be.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:Well, it happens.
Speaker A:And you know, the golf course to me is a great equalizer, you know, because I've had, I've played with hot shots that, you know, they, maybe their first four or five holes, they're.
Speaker A:They're perfect.
Speaker A:I mean, they're great.
Speaker A:And then something, you know, one of the gerbils gets in their brain and goes stupid on them for a while and all of a sudden everything just goes to pot.
Speaker A:You know, you're just playing a game.
Speaker A:You're out here to have fun.
Speaker A:You know, if you were my look, and I'm not demeaning anybody, but if you're prepping for a tournament or you're that good, you're probably not going to be playing with the ilks of me.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:You're not, you're in the wrong spot.
Speaker B:And I enjoy playing with anyone.
Speaker B:I really do.
Speaker B:I think the biggest part is as long as people move along, you know, I'm good with.
Speaker B:I don't.
Speaker B:Doesn't impact my game.
Speaker B:And that's what a lot of people make the mistake of doing.
Speaker B:Let other people's game impact theirs.
Speaker B:But it's their own fault.
Speaker B:Like, you know, letting slow play impact their game.
Speaker B:It's your own fault.
Speaker B:You want to empower yourself and say, no matter what the situation, I can take charge of my focus.
Speaker B:I can take charge of doing my pre shot routine.
Speaker B:I can take charge of distracting myself until the play moves and then go play and still play great golf.
Speaker B:Because if you blame your game on other people or other things, you disempower yourself.
Speaker B:And then what happens the next time you're in that situation?
Speaker B:Your brain's like, oh, yeah, we don't play well in this situation.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Oops.
Speaker A:Well, that leads me to my last question, Debbie.
Speaker A:Constantly we are bombarded with, and I agree with it, you know, expand the game.
Speaker A:Good for the game, get more people in the game.
Speaker A:Fine with me.
Speaker A:I think that's great.
Speaker A:But when you get out on the course, and maybe this is a group of people or two people out of a foursome, whatever the numbers are, they haven't played much golf.
Speaker A:They're not completely comfortable with all the etiquette or letting people play through or doesn't matter.
Speaker A:But then people, you know, are complaining that these slow players are ahead of them, and it's like, well, which way do you want it?
Speaker A:Do you want to, you know, expand the game, get more people involved, do that?
Speaker A:Because we all.
Speaker A:We all learned.
Speaker A:We all went through that.
Speaker A:Maybe they don't remember that because it was, you know, two, three, four, five decades ago, whatever it was.
Speaker A:But, you know, if it's.
Speaker A:If it bugs you that much, you can always go up and ask them to play through if you want.
Speaker A:But to sit back there and grouse about it, I think.
Speaker A:And that's happened to a foursome I was in a couple of years ago.
Speaker A:I was playing with somebody, and she.
Speaker A:Well, she's more than just learning, but she's not a very fast player, and she deliberates over her shots.
Speaker A:She's not a big hitter, but she loves the game.
Speaker A:She plays several times a week.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And she's vastly improved since then.
Speaker A:But I had one of the guys from the foursome behind us come up and start giving her a ration about stuff about that.
Speaker A:I thought I was going to have to go over there and kind of sort things out, but I didn't.
Speaker A:She was very gracious and said, yeah, we'll.
Speaker A:We'll try to move on faster.
Speaker A:And she ended up picking up a couple of shots and just moving on with this.
Speaker A:They weren't.
Speaker A:We weren't that far behind because was.
Speaker A:We were putting out the Knicks.
Speaker A:The foursome in front of us was taking it off the tee.
Speaker A:Okay, so there wasn't.
Speaker A:You're not talking 15 minutes here.
Speaker A:So how do.
Speaker A:How do people deal with that?
Speaker A:I know that's a very long explanation.
Speaker B:Sorry for that.
Speaker B:You know, what's important on the golf course is always watch the group ahead of you.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:You want to.
Speaker B:You want to stay up.
Speaker B:If you're in good position, then it's basically ignoring the group behind you.
Speaker B:And that's not always easy to do because, again, that assumption, if, you know, they don't see the group ahead of you, like, there was when I played this past weekend, there were.
Speaker B:The course got very slow on the back nine, and they couldn't always see that there was a group that we had waited for.
Speaker B:So you kind of, you know, people with whom I was playing were like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker B:They probably think it's.
Speaker B:It's us being slow.
Speaker B:And they started focusing a little bit on the people.
Speaker B:I get nervous when people are waiting.
Speaker B:And I just said, look, we know we're staying up with the group ahead of us.
Speaker B:And then it was interesting.
Speaker B:This is that assumption.
Speaker B:One of my playing partners, we were so close to the other guys, and she said, hey, I just want you to know we've been waiting most of the time.
Speaker B:They said, oh, we're fine.
Speaker B:They weren't upset anyway.
Speaker B:But if you're the one waiting and it is upsetting, just realize, focus on what you can control instead of what you can't control.
Speaker B:What can you control?
Speaker B:You could call the pro shop and let them know, or you could ride up to the person.
Speaker B:If you're not going to do either one of those things, or you already did, then focus on what you can control.
Speaker B:Focus on having a good day.
Speaker B:Focus on being at your best over every shot.
Speaker B:Just pay attention to.
Speaker B:Am I focusing on something that's going to help me have an enjoyable day, or am I just getting miserable because I just keep focusing on that lady taking 10 seconds in her setup.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Debbie O'Connell from Golf Positive Live Positive.
Speaker A:Thank you, my dear.
Speaker B:Oh, it's a pleasure.
Speaker B:I love hanging out with you.
Speaker B:I love how you bring humor to everything.
Speaker B:You're just awesome and appreciate all you do for the golfing world.
Speaker B:So thanks, Jeff.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:We'll be back next week with another edition of After Hours.
Speaker A:Until then, for myself and Debbie.
Speaker A:Go out, have some fun, play some golf.
Speaker A:And like I always say, be kind.
Speaker A:Take care, everybody.
